A Life With Agap 2 II

Bad mood = caution: foul language and bad content

Part two. Hm, I know most of you people, especially you, my dear dear classmates, don't give a shit of what I'm saying, but since I don't have anyone who I can lean on and tell my silly issues, I'm just gonna write here. My online diary. Boo yahh.

I've been pitiful. For the past week I've been feeling more down than ever. Oh god. Just how long will I have to be with them? =.=

Okay, so when we were in our Values Education class last Tuesday, we had an Open Forum. Where t'was the time we open up ourselves to the class. I had soo much to tell. Because I still have A LOOT of problems with my "classmates". I was very nervous, though. My hands were shaking...and there's this thing that keeps me from raising my hand. I murmured to myself that I had something to say, then my seatmate (my buddy from past post), encouraged me. But I was still reaaallly nervous. Because I'm not really the type who can open up easily and go all BOO-HOO dramatic. So I just said: "I'll just let them finish."

It was like...very few minutes before the bell rings when I had the urge to raise my hand. So I asked one simple question as quickly as I could: "Besides quiet, what other things do you think about me?" ...The class paused for a few seconds. Each second is like...dunno...10 heartbeats? xD (lol) Was nervous. And then...this girl raised her hand. She said, "Makisali ka naman sa amin minsan.". In English, it means "Join with us every once in a while." ...Uhh...DUHH. It's already o b v i o u s. And I think I heard one guy said "Boring." They laughed. And then the bell rang. So the teacher said we'll continue next week.

Boring...boring, huh? Their thickheadedness strikes again.

I'm waiting desperately for Tuesday now. I feel like, I want to do a 50-minute speech in front of them. Just to say how I feel. But then again...maybe they won't plant it in their tiny brains again. I opened up a month ago and it's still the same. Same. Same. Same. Same.

Like, the many times in Facebook. I kept posting...and posting...and posting stuff like "I hope we'll become good friends, Agap 2." or "Talk to me..." and some stuff like that. And kept spamming links about this BLOG just to show how I feel about them. I know, this blog, every post, will show how different I am from the way they think. But know what they said? "It's in English. Damn I'm getting a nosebleed. I didn't continue because I can't understand half of what you're saying." ...English? Damned English? To think...we're in the elite section, the section with the highest grades, can't understand simple English? And what's more, we've been learning the damned language for 8 years since pre-school.

"..." My reaction. Yes, dots. No comment. Just like that.

Or should I be blaming myself? It is a little bit of my fault, too. My only trouble is...well I don't automatically approach people. I wouldn't call it shy, but I just don't like making the first move. Because I...often get left out in the end when I approach the people I like to be friends with. So, to be safe, I'll let them approach me. I mean, most of my best friends now were the ones who made the first move. And I'm really picky. Yeah, how low and foolish of me.

I wish they could understand me, though. Probably, just like what I've said earlier, they won't give a shit of what I'm saying right now. But at least I've said it. I hope...I just, hope that it's not too late. Darn, my first year of high school turns out to be a fail, because of them. And I REAALLLYYY wish they're reading this right now. And reach this point. And maybe...maybe they'll see.

Misunderstood. That's me in my school, kinda. But, they dare think low of my skills? Of what I can do? Of what my ablilities are? Ohoho, they have crossed the line. And because of that...this is kinda stupid but...I deleted all my Agap 2 friends in Facebook. (XD) Make me piss off like this again and I'll delete all connections towards them.

And there goes a waste of a post. Yay. You made it.

A Life With Agap 2

A little piece from Dia. ^^ Uh, wait? Don't know who Dia is? MY DIARY! 8D Yes yes I know I'm not an SC fan anymore. But the name just suits~ plus, it makes "Diary" shorter. XD

Anyway, I want to share you guys an entry I wrote while in school.

[Sat. Nov. 7, 2009]

Dear Dia,


It's 9:55 AM, and I'm in school today...ugh. ON A SATURDAY. I've really been feeling rather lonesome lately. I mean, more lonely than ever.


-My friend's name here- doesn't go to the canteen anymore. I can't be with her friends since I'm not really really friends with her classmates. (except for 1 or 2) And in Crunchyroll I don't get to talk much with my fav buds anymore. Just how do I get over this? I can't be alone forever. Damn life is hard.


Ohoho, I'll try Kobato. in my anime pleasure. I hope it will be awesome...


Ookaaayyyy...I dunno what to say now. Ugh, so bored. Guess I'll just...wait. NEXT PAGE!


*next page*


Mm. My canteen adventure a while ago. Guess I won't call it an adventure. It was really boring. Well anyway, what happened in the canteen was... nothing. I was all alone in their table. And one Agap 1 student came to me because there weren't any tables left. I looked like a fool. I finished my meal early and I had nothing to do afterwards. Sooo boring. I just need something to do so people won't notice me and consider me an unsociable loner. That would just be sad.


And why won't I join my classmates? Ahahaha, wouldn't I look twice more of a fool if I did so? They'll just end up ignoring me anyway. From my every word to how I move and to the way I stand in front of them... nothing. So it's better off not to join them. They forget me, I forget them. Simple.


Though it makes me feel like the sore looser in the class. I pity myself. I tried every way possible to socialize with them and still keep the real "me" at the same time. But I guess it just couldn't work for them. Sucks.


What's wrong with me? Do I have problems that make my situation bad too? Uh. Probably. Maybe I was raised unproperly and thought school as "a place with all the kinds of people that I need to respect thus no self-expression at all". Yeah, maybe. I do treat school a lot different than home. It's just, wrong. I'm always so quiet.


I'll conclude that everyone, including me, is a problem. What a troublesome era I live in.


Damn. Damn. Damn Damn. D a m n. When will I gain total domination of this class. It's been 5 months and I only have 1 friend. Guess I'll go now. Ja.

-my sig. here-

Ow. :( My classmate tried to read my blog but she said she can't. Why? Because it's in freakin' ENGLISH! >O Like, we learn English and she's one of the best English Speakers in class, how could she get a nosebleed just by reading this? =.= Dammit. Which means all my post are total wastes in the eye for them. Dx They can never understand me. >.>

OHH THE DRAMA. XD

A Life With Agap 2

Hmmm...

Lols, new layout. Got this from some website. Too lazy to make one my own. :D

Update...

Well. Life's going...pretty normal lately. =w= ...What? XD Yes, normal. It's the same ol' same ol' boring day in school, as always. I'm always alone. O^O ...Let's not get dramatic.

Just posting this post for the sake of posting. XD Nothing to see here. ;] I think I should write a post about my classmates next time. :O Lol. Jowk.

OH YEAH, HAPPY BIRTHDAY SABINA! >w< ...Lols, I made her this avii gift on CR. I need PS practice. .__. But I hope she likes it. >:D

Well, Ja nee. =3=

Educational Trip? EXTREME!

Ohohoho, we just had our Lakdat (school field trip) yesterday. And I must admit...it was...it was...TOTALLY FRIGGIN' HELLA KICKIN' AWESOME!! XD

Yes yes I know I know. I'm surprised as well. o_O That field trip was certainly ONE OF A KIND. I had lots of fun, want to know the details..? >:]

Okay okay, it was 6:05 AM when the bus left for the adventure. We had to leave really early because our destination was in Laguna, which is more than 100 km away from the city. Personally, I wasn't really excited. And honestly, I thought it would suck. I mean, we were only gonna visit a lake and go fishing and learn about plants and fish.

Getting there, it took 4 hours. (Lol so my butt ached after we went down the bus =-=) Yes, four friggin' hours. We weren't allowed to show any of our gadgets YET because our Social Studies teacher, and Adviser told us to observe the environment - how the city and the province differ. But I left that aside because I was not in the mood. So I brought out my iPod anyways. XD

It was pretty fun in the bus. Our Social Studies teacher get to entertain us with his jokes and stuff~ and messin' with the guys at the back of the bus. XD

And when we reached the 100th kilometer stone (kilometers away from the city) we have already reached the mountain where the lake was. I wasn't really THAT excited. But the view was absolutely splendid. Hah, something I can't see here.

It was *I think* 10:00+ when we reached the site. The breeze was really nice, and the sun was shining perfectly. From there we're gonna take a boat to the small island in the middle of the lake - Station 1.

Station 1...hm, there we ate our lunch...lounged for a bit, and learned about the different types of plants found in the site. Not really much exciting...it was a kubo. No electricity, so I brought up my iPod again! >8D I also brought my speakers, so while we were eating we jammed through. XD And the boys were playing...uh..."Careless Whisper". .___.

And then off to Station 2! We took a boat there too, it was also an island in the middle of the lake. They said the fishing activity got cancelled because there weren't much fish around, so...they insisted that we...guess what? Go hiking in the woods instead!

"Ohohoho, hiking in the woods?! Pfftt..." Pfftt your face! XD You think walking almost a kilometer is easy? Well, hella no. Not just WALK a kilometer, but go through the actual *natural* obstacles in store! Haha, we were slipping, falling, get mud on our faces and hands, crawling insects in our arms, lol. I slipped so many times. .__. My shoe sunk down the quick sand. Dx And there were those...ehem, "slides". Mud slides. Dx So my P.E. shirt and pants got all muddy and dirty. >3> My hands as well.

The girls were like "PUUUTT-----!!!!!!!!"; "I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE!!!!!!!!!"; "FUUUUU----" ...and some other funny words. XD Well I wasn't one of them. Since well, in the woods I was actually thinking "This is good. :D" I could almost laugh at their sissyness man! XD The best part would probably climbing up this sort of leverage of the soil, and we actually had to hold on to something to get up. We had to help each other. :| Hand in hand. ~_~

We had our buddy system. And those two amazons (guy classmates) at the back of our line to keep us safe and such. XD My buddy? Uhh...my only friend in the class. =] I had no choice. >.> ...But we got separated because I was so excited about the next obstacles, I went ahead of them. XD So I waited for her a bit...and noticed...yihee...she was waiting for amazon one? ;] Eh, maybe? *wink wink* Lol, her "savior".... Her "SAVIOR" helped me and the others too a bit but mostly her. I wonder why? XD Lol, let's not get to unnecessary [[juicy]] things.

Slide here..sink there. My shoe turned pure brown. 8| But despite that...I HAD A BLAST BABY! XD

After all the commotion, the girls stopped crying. After we went out, and I finally got to relax a bit. We need to change clothes because we were so EFFIN' DIRTY. Ugh, I was only able to bring an extra shirt. Dx No one told us we're gonna get dirty. >3> So from there on out my pants and shoes were ...ick.

I think we were in the woods for more or less than an hour? The sissies just can't stop crying lol. And after that, we packed our things, went back in the boat, then the bus, then we were set for departure. It may be fun, but I was also deeaaaadd tired. My thighs and arms hurt because of the climbing, even until now.

The action didn't stop yet. While we were going home we had a sort of..."accident" in the road. So we went to some kind of Traffic -something- Center of the MMDA. Our trip back home got delayed for merely an hour. After that we went back to our school~ Dad was able to fetch me at around 8:00 PM. Fun. Exciting. Awesome. You name it.

But...

Let's hear MY SIDE of the story:

The trip? Was fun, yeah. Not really...totally. *sob*

I was kind of...despite the buddy system...alone the whole time. They were all chit-chatting...laughing...giggling...and chuckling. They talked about anything possible...as if they were brothers and sisters with no boundaries between them. They had the time of their lives. As for me, I just sat there...during those 5 whole hours, listening to my iPod and its tunes. I felt so envious of them. And I kept asking "When will I go to there position? Why am I not with them? Why?". Every chuckle they make is equal to a tear I shed. They were having SO much fun. I looked like a fool back there. I laughed about their jokes...which by the way, were not meant for me. I was so sad. Depressed. Lonely... My buddy wasn't really much of help to me because her head was aching and she is just having too much fun socializing with them. Ehem, Amazon 1.

"I only want to make friends" I said to myself. And I thought this field trip would actually be a bonding experience for me and my classmates. But I guess not. *sob*

Back at elementary, I was also at this "alone" state. But when I reached 4th grade, all of those disappeared for some reason. And here I go again. You know, it's really hard to go back to something you don't like. It's really causing emotional stress for me.

They were having SOOOO much fun! I wasn't able to hold my tears. No one noticed me though. DUHH, no one ever notices me. Again, I was so sad.

ALL I REALLY WANT TO DO IS TO MAKE FRIENDS. I'm usually crazy...wild...random...funny...spontaneous in home and in the internet, but I feel like there was this some sort of boundary between me and new people. I was raised to respect, I remember.

And why don't I approach them? Fufufufu...tried that. They all ended up ignoring me. For them I'm just a mere existance to this world. They wouldn't care if I fall down a hole, jump off a cliff, commit suicide, until to what I wear, or just until I die. Yeesh, they wouldn't even sing me my 13th happy birthday song. And my 13th year was supposed to be my happiest. Yeah. <.<

I'm just going in circles. Again, all I want to do is make some friends. I have a hard time approaching people. I have issues. They just can't understand me. So I'm with you, Kuronuma Sawako. ;|

And now, I think that what they think about me is the "unsociable arrogant" type. I'm not that. *sob* I'm not that...I'm not that...I'm not that...I'M NOT THAT YOU FREAKIN' BASTARDS. I'm just...different.

I'm really cryin' right now. x'D Let's get to another topic.

I observed the environment. Well, I was bored. And my neck ached for just staring at the window. I noticed, the changes. The province? The view was splendid. The city? Bleh. I now have realized the real world now. Really disappointing. No words can describe. It's just...the city people are really...well, they're not concerned for the environment around them. Garbage. Lots of garbage. Eck.

Sleepy? :O I should end this now~ I hope you've at least learned more about me just by this post. D8 Ja nee~

P.S.: Sorry for the typos/grammatical errors. >< Notify me if there are some. And I was in a rush so...XD

Thank you for reaching this far. :]